Ten Things About the Vongola Family
by Morte Lise
Summary: ...That they'd never tell anyone about themselves on pain of death. Because God forbid people start getting the impression that they're all CRAZY or something...
1. Sawada Tsunayoshi

So these are totally, indisputably paragraphs. Paragraphs separated by numbers in order to maintain some order of coherency, which shall connect with one another eventually in some sort of plot-relevant way. Perhaps. Maybe.

Mm hmm.

(I fight the system only because I have no idea how to make cut links on livejournal. Sad, but true.)

On that note, where else to start but Tsuna?

* * *

_Sawada Tsunayoshi

* * *

_

1.

Tsuna can hold his liquor better than anyone else in the Vongola family, bar Reborn.

(Hibari, of all people, is actually the resident lightweight.)

And, as he watches his family's…questionable antics during the complementary happy hour that follows their annual board meetings, Tsuna thanks every god he can think of that Mother Nature has provided him with _some_ sort of survival mechanism.

2.

Tsuna has possessed the ability to single-handedly defeat any one of his unruly family members ever since his duel with Xanxus. It takes him three years to realize this.

He spends another three years continuing to play the coward in order to keep the bloodshed to a minimum. If there's one thing he hates above all others, it's watching his family members get injured, even by Tsuna himself.

3.

Tsuna, while compassionate to a fault, is not half as trusting as he appears to be. As far as he's concerned, he has only one Mist Guardian, and her name is Chrome Dokuro.

He doesn't know where Mukuro stands, but he's pretty damn sure it's not with him.

(One of the very few things that angers Tsuna is that no matter how many times he tells himself this, there is always a voice in the back of his head that answers hopefully, "yes, but he will someday." The fact that ten years later he still can't figure out whether or not that voice turned out to be right doesn't help matters.)

4.

After several years as Vongola X with his father as his subordinate, Tsuna comes to realize that Iemitsu is not only a good man, but an extremely competent and efficient one. He remains one of Tsuna's closest and most trusted confidants.

Iemitsu, however, is still in Tsuna's eyes a less than ideal father, and the younger Sawada's fierce protective streak towards his family members is in no small part due to the fact that he is determined to do better in the role than his old man.

5.

Tsuna finally accepts his position as Vongola Decimo not because he has given in to his inevitable involvement in the Mafia world, but because he takes a good hard look at his dysfunctional, psychotic, and fanatically loyal family one day and realizes he can't stand disappointing any of them.

(On a related note, that day is also the day when Reborn becomes one of the richest members in the Vongola family, followed closely by Viper, who had agreed to moderate the betting pool and demanded a cut of the winnings.)

6.

Tsuna takes an instant liking to Irie Shouichi upon meeting him, which surprises him, because the only member of his own family that he liked on sight was Yamamoto.

(If one wants to get technical, his first impressions of Bianchi and Mukuro were decent as well, but he considers their follow-ups reason enough to exclude them.)

It is for this reason that he doesn't instantly dismiss the man's wild talk of time travel and alternate universes like so many of the other Mafia bosses (including, of all people, Aria of the Giglio Nero and Dino of the Cavallone), and in return Irie pledges his undying loyalty.

After Byakuran's rise to power and the sheer desperation of their ridiculously convoluted time travel scheme sets in, Tsuna can only pray that his faith and Irie's genius will prove enough to make it work.

7.

After so many bullets to the head, death threats from Hibari, creative murder attempts from various enemies/assassins/friends/family, do-or-die training sessions, and meals wherein Bianchi is the head chef, Tsuna has pretty much stopped fearing the thought of death.

The paralyzing terror he feels as his body shuts down from Irie's special bullet, he realizes belatedly, is all for the family he's leaving behind.

8.

Tsuna originally fell in love with Sasagawa Kyoko for her kindness. For several memorable months, she was the closest thing at all he had to a friend.

Now, when he is surrounded by friends and admirers, he continues to love her for possessing a rather different trait the majority of his acquaintances lack.

He sometimes wonders whether or not it's even _more _pathetic to love a girl for her sanity.

9.

Tsuna never blames his previous failure on the fact that he was raised an only child, but he can't help but notice how much better he feels having a big brother like Dino Cavallone.

10.

Tsuna has spent every single day since the moment Reborn walked through his door telling anyone who would listen how much he regrets ever meeting the Arcobaleno and getting forced into this endless insanity.

What he will _never_ tell any of them is that each and every single time it's been a lie.

* * *

I have never, ever tried this format before, and so criticism and reviews would be lovely. Beyond lovely, even.

Next up, Gokudera!

(I hope. Eventually.)

(Please review?)


	2. Gokudera Hayato

…Coming up with ten of these is surprisingly difficult.

And reviewers, you are several different kinds of awesome. Thank you!

And now, onward!

* * *

_Gokudera Hayato

* * *

_

1.

Gokudera first comes to Japan with enough Vongola connections to find himself a lovely Western-style suite to live in. This suite includes an ungodly large kitchen/dining room, a bedroom with a king-sized bed and walk-in closet, a bathroom with a hot tub, and a cleaning service.

Its only drawback is the two hour distance between it and Namimori, but he considers every second of the commute worth it.

2.

Gokudera is never quite able to make himself completely trust Chrome Dokuro. This has nothing to do with her…forward introduction (although on a different level entirely he never manages to forgive her for that, either), but rather her questionable alliance.

Gokudera knows Mukuro's the only thing keeping her alive, but he's had that bastard in his head and can't help but think any decent human being would have chosen death.

3.

As much as Gokudera admires Tsuna, he doesn't religiously stalk the Sawada household purely for his boss's sake.

Reborn may be scary as hell, but there aren't too many other Italian-speaking math nerds hanging around Japan besides the two of them.

4.

Gokudera is ultimately more of a thinker than a fighter. While strategies and equations come to him with the greatest of ease, actual combat is something he's always had to work at. Unfortunately, he has the _heart_ of a fighter—he's tried the passive strategist thing alongside Giannini, Reborn, Bianchi and even Irie Shouichi, and the thought of supervising a battle without taking part in it drives him mad with frustration.

Gokudera's capacity for creating and mastering complex techniques that very nearly defy physics itself (although it's thanks to physics that he can manage them at all) keeps him in the same general range of ability as his fellow Guardians, but as he watches "natural born assassins" Yamamoto and Hibari, ridiculously training obsessed meathead Ryohei, his fellow Mafioso-from-birth Mukuro, and even kind-hearted, awkward Tsuna breeze past him with so much less effort and little to no thinking process, he can't help but feel left behind.

(It pisses him off to no end to realize that Chrome freaking Dokuro and that damn brat Lambo are the only Guardians who can relate to him at all in this respect.)

5.

Bianchi is one of the most terrifying people Gokudera knows, but nevertheless his sister is the only member of his family who has always supported him, and he loves her with all his heart.

It's just his stomach that can't stand her.

6.

Gokudera's upbringing has ensured that mercy is an entirely alien concept to him. Any and all insults, attacks, or threats, no matter how minor, are to be met with harsh retaliation. Anything less would be considered weakness.

This attitude gets Gokudera (by then well aware that he was the bastard child and therefore less privileged) kicked out of four public schools before his father reluctantly throws his son a lifeline and pays the ridiculous amount of money necessary to send a second child through a Mafia training academy.

Tsuna is the first person in Gokudera's life to introduce the concept of mercy to him, and Gokudera becomes enamored with it (and by extension, Tsuna himself) almost immediately.

Restraint, Gokudera is reluctant to admit, is not nearly as easy to learn.

7.

Ironically, years of Bianchi's cooking have rendered Gokudera nigh immune to conventional food poisoning.

Somehow he feels that the crippling pain he experiences every time he sees her face fails to make the payoff worth the price.

8.

Trident Shamal, as much as Gokudera hates to admit it, is his one and only father figure. He has Bianchi to thank for preventing him from picking up the good doctor's…less desirable habits back when he was young and impressionable, but he has no doubt that he'd be even more of a train wreck now if it weren't for Shamal's guidance.

Still, if that bastard leaves him bleeding on the floor just because he doesn't have a pair of breasts _one more time_, Gokudera's setting off his entire stock of dynamite in the medward.

9.

Many, many things about Yamamoto Takeshi enrage Gokudera, but by far the worst is the fact that he's so effortlessly likeable. Excepting academics, there are few casual situations where Tsuna will ever run to Gokudera first, and practically the entire rest of the world seems to concur.

Gokudera's growing suspicion that the baseball freak's borderline supernatural ability is finally beginning to affect Gokudera himself does not help, dammit.

10.

For better or for worse, Gokudera has always had a family. He's always had supporters and allies, deceivers and foes, and more complicated relationships than any middle school student should have to deal with.

Squeaky, scrawny loser Tsuna, however, is Gokudera's first friend. Tsuna's claim to the Vongola title could have turned out to be as phony as Xanxus's, and Gokudera wouldn't have done a damn thing differently.

Some bonds, he's discovered, go far deeper than even family, and he is _never_ letting them go.

* * *

I only regret that I couldn't think up any having to do with his poor mother…alas.

I was going to do this in some sort of premeditated order…thing, but I recently decided I don't actually care. So guys: between Reborn, Bianchi, Kyoko, Haru, I-Pin, Lal Mirch, and any one of the Guardians, who do YOU, the viewer, want me to do next? I'll pick whoever has the most votes. Or something.

PS: Some glorious day, I'm also doing the Varia. They're just not an option because at the very least I want to keep them together. Hopefully.

Until…whoever is next, then!

(As always, reviews are love.)


	3. Yamamoto Takeshi

And the winner, by a landslide, is Yamamoto Takeshi! (With Hibari taking an honorable second place.)

WHY SO DIFFICULT, YAMAMOTO? My goodness. I spent several days forcing myself not to simply write "Yamamoto is awesome" ten times in a row and call it a chapter.

Thankfully, that is not what I ended up doing. At all.

PS: Reviewers? THANK YOU SO MUCH! (Should you ever want a PM, just ask, because I am…really, really bad about that otherwise.)

* * *

_Yamamoto Takeshi

* * *

_

1.

Yamamoto's father has been valiantly attempting to teach him the way of the sword ever since the boy learned to walk. His inability to do so initially has nothing to do with Yamamoto's own reluctance to learn Shigure Souen Ryu.

Yamamoto's _mother_ is the true baseball fanatic and long-time champion in their eternal battle of wills. Her first loss is not to her husband, but to illness, and for a few years Yamamoto is unsure whether his devotion to the sport is due to his hopes for the future or his desire to preserve the past.

The question is finally laid to rest when he is forced to deal with the fact that fate (and Reborn) has chosen to give him a very different future, and his equally valuable new family requires a far different set of skills.

Yamamoto has always been _very_ big on family.

2.

Yamamoto is constantly baffled at other people's incredulity when he insists the entire mafia affair is just another game.

After all, some would claim that baseball's just a game and he was willing to give his life for it all the same.

(Honestly, calling it a game is the only way he's able to take it _seriously_.)

3.

Deep down, the thing that terrifies Yamamoto most is the realization that Reborn was completely accurate in his assessment. He really _is_ a natural born assassin.

Because of this, when Byakuran takes over Yamamoto swears to himself that he will die before getting captured by the Millefiore family. He's heard about what happened to Uni, and will never allow it to happen to him.

Say what you will about the rest of the Vongola family, but Yamamoto's the only one with the perfect poker face. Tsuna would never see it coming.

4.

While Yamamoto has always liked Gokudera as a human being, he finds himself unable to respect the other boy until his loss at the Storm ring battle.

The whole reason Yamamoto first befriended Tsuna is because the Decimo-to-be taught him the value of his own life, and he doesn't believe that anyone who doesn't do the same is fit to be Tsuna's right hand man.

5.

Yamamoto would like to think his relationship with any one of his fellow Guardians is fairly decent, insofar as it exists, but he finds his ideal drinking buddy not in anyone from the Vongola family, but Dino Cavallone.

Although he found Dino to be a friendly enough guy during his impromptu visit to Italy all those years ago when Gokudera had his crisis of faith, it's actually because of Squalo that he gets to know the Cavallone boss better. The relationship between Dino and Yamamoto's hot-headed tutor is, apparently, a long, complicated, occasionally bizarre one involving a few years of shared classes and several hundred concussions, but whatever its true nature, it ensures that many of Yamamoto's training sessions take place alongside Hibari Kyouya's.

Inevitably, these training sessions deteriorate into furniture-shattering, wall-smashing, and (when they're in the same general area) angry-Xanxus-summoning battles between Squalo and Hibari, the latter of whom will never tolerate getting shouted down at, and the former of whom will never take an insult without brandishing a blade in someone's general direction.

As these epic confrontations take place, Dino and Yamamoto stand safely out of harm's way and pass the time by cheerfully discussing anything from the weather to the Vongola's latest plans for infiltrating a rival family. Yamamoto finds Dino's upbeat attitude to be not only delightfully similar to his own, but refreshing after spending his days surrounded by his (for the most part) dour, cynical, or downright sociopathic family members.

If it weren't for the issue of skill set, he'd wonder if he and Hibari had accidentally ended up with the wrong tutors.

6.

As amusing and bipolar as Yamamoto finds his relationship with Gokudera Hayato, when the Vongola has need for partnerships he just as often ends up working with one Sasagawa Ryohei.

The two of them are theoretically far more compatible, between their mutual energy and inability to decide between the requirements of their family and their passion for their civilian hobbies (although Yamamoto suspects Ryohei is far less conflicted, as his work skills and hobby are technically one in the same). Additionally, Rain's tranquility is the perfect complement to Sun's activation, each able to counter the other at a moment's notice.

As ridiculous as it may sound, it isn't until Byakuran's rise to power that either of them realizes that they honestly have to give up their respective sports, and Yamamoto's grateful to have someone who empathizes with the terrible loss he feels when they do.

(Then again, this is _also_ the point in time when Ryohei finally stops asking him to join the boxing club.)

7.

Yamamoto walks away from his first assassination with a broken arm, three fractured ribs, two bullet wounds, and a nasty cut on his chin that forever leaves a scar. That's not even taking into account the concussion an angry Gokudera gives him afterwards and the damage to his eardrums once Squalo gets word of the affair and spends the entirety of Yamamoto's duration in the hospital screaming at him for his carelessness.

Despite all this, the only thing that actually bothers him about the incident is how incredibly _easy_ it was.

8.

Yamamoto is unique among the Guardians in that he truly, genuinely likes people. Tsuna, Gokudera, and Lambo are all either too emotionally insecure or maladjusted to have functional social lives; Ryohei's manic enthusiasm puts him on a different plane of existence from ordinary people; Chrome has outright admitted to disliking interaction with anyone outside of the family; and Hibari and Mukuro are, quite frankly, outright insane, so it's up to Yamamoto to handle pretty much any situation involving civilians.

The only time he ever comes close to self-pity is when he realizes that, despite their collective inability to interact with average human beings, his fellow Guardians are still miles better at normality than pretty much any other member of their highly dysfunctional family.

9.

Superbi Squalo is a loud, violent, arrogant bloodthirsty maniac, and, Yamamoto is reluctant to admit, far better at teaching swordsmanship than Yamamoto's own father. Between his desperate need for a tutor and his conviction that deep down in Squalo's black soul there is a vaguely decent man fiercely dedicated to his both his craft and his boss, Yamamoto finds himself liking the Varia's Rain Guardian despite his many faults and greatly enjoys their spars.

He cannot, however, deny that he is slowly going deaf in his left ear.

10.

Yamamoto is literally the only Guardian with a real social life. Ryohei may have his sister and fanatical dedication to his boxing club, Hibari may have Namimori and his responsibilities to the Disciplinary Committee, and Lambo may, as he grows, become the most socially awkward Casanova on the planet, but Yamamoto has always had something of a second family in his baseball team, and even when Reborn declares him a member of the Vongola, he still spends as much time as he can with them.

When the time comes to choose between bat and blade, it isn't the skill that Yamamoto considers, but the family.

He will always appreciate everything his teammates have done for him, but when he was at his lowest and ready to jump, it was Tsuna who came running to catch him.

* * *

Somehow, despite the writer's block, Yamamoto's ended up being really long…

In other news, once again I ask for your help in who comes next between the Guardians, Haru, Kyoko, Bianchi, Reborn, Lal Mirch, and I-Pin.

Until next time!

(And please review. The parenthesis compels you. Ooooooh.)


	4. Hibari Kyouya

Winner of the second round is none other than Hibari Kyouya! (Although Ryohei came pretty damn close…)

As always, reviewers? Made of win. So much win. Thank you!

In other news, I am somewhat shocked at the fact that I'm actually managing to get one of these out around once a week! Holy crap, I may actually FINISH something!

…I just jinxed it, didn't I?

* * *

_Hibari Kyouya

* * *

_

1.

The year Chrome Dokuro accidentally catches Hibari under the mistletoe is the only time he actually goes through with the tradition rather than biting the poor victim to death with his beloved tonfa.

He spends the experience swearing to hunt down and slaughter Rokudo Mukuro for his uncanny choice in host. Even Hibari takes _some_ issue with the thought of abusing a girl already missing one eye and half her internal organs.

(Little does he know that this kiss is one of the few things Chrome keeps secret from Mukuro, out of gratitude for Hibari's rare act of mercy.)

2.

Hibari instantly dislikes the Storm Arcobaleno Fon for wearing his face. Fon quickly proves himself worthy of this dislike by amiably insisting on treating Hibari like a disobedient (if beloved) child.

He grows to hate Fon after the Chinese martial artist challenges him to and handily beats him in a one-on-one fight.

He finally vows to track down and bite the man-turned-infant to death after looking over his family tree one rainy day and discovering he has a Chinese grandfather who vanished under suspicious circumstances.

3.

In the early years of their dysfunctional family, Hibari is annually given the award of "Most Likely to Be a Terrible Father," surpassing even Mukuro due to the Mist Guardian's steadily increasing protective streak towards his host.

(Other awards include "Most Likely to Become Tsuna's Bitch," "Most Likely to End up Possessed by Mukuro," "Most Likely to Get 'Accidentally' Shoved off a Cliff," and "Most Likely to Get Posthumously Molested by Lussuria." Needless to say, Reborn came up with most of them.)

After Fon's sudden death leaves him reluctantly raising a distraught I-Pin, he's not sure whether to be relieved or dismayed at how wrong it was.

4.

Both Hibari's parents are workaholics, and so his early years were chaotic, undisciplined ones—because while both parents valued structure in their own lives, their dedication to their work prevented them from lending any to their impatient, oft-neglected child.

Hibari spent his childhood immersed in violence, quickly learning to defend himself against anything from the bullying children on the playground to the muggers looking for an easy target as he returned home with the groceries his parents were too busy to buy. In time, he grew to enjoy the fighting, but the aimlessness of his life instilled in him a fear that he would eventually turn into one of the petty thugs he spent his time beating into a bloody pulp.

When he bludgeons, concusses, and pummels his way to the head of the Disciplinary Committee at Namimori Junior High, he realizes that he has finally found his true calling. Namimori is the first place to give him and his fighting real purpose, and in doing so becomes the only place he recognizes as a true home.

(It is Tsuna's idea to officially put Namimori under the Vongola's protection, and the moment he does Hibari finally accepts his position as the Tenth's Cloud Guardian.)

5.

Hibari rarely makes mistakes, but two of his biggest were a) overestimating his alcohol tolerance, and b) first trying the stuff in the presence of another human being.

To this day, he has no recollection of what he did after drinking that bottle of sake, but after he's through with Dino, he's pretty sure the Cavallone boss doesn't either.

6.

The first time Hibari ever loses a fight is during his first year at Namimori. The victor, a third year by the name of Setsuna, is the previous head of the Disciplinary Committee, and shrewd enough to take Hibari under his wing after the younger boy becomes obsessed with challenging him to a rematch.

Hibari manages to defeat Setsuna five days before his senpai's graduation, and in return is appointed the new head of the Disciplinary Committee. Ever since then, all time not dedicated to taking care of his beloved school has been spent in search of an opponent as worthy as his predecessor.

Part of the reason he's so eager to crush Rokudo Mukuro is that he _hates_ having to settle.

7.

As humiliating as Hibari found his defeat at the hands of Mukuro, the biggest blow to his ego happens several years later when he somehow loses to Tsuna of all people in a casual fight. He spends weeks wondering how the fight could have gone so horribly wrong before reluctantly coming to the conclusion that the newly appointed Tenth may have finally become someone worth paying attention to.

Having reached this conclusion, he then proceeds to do just that, and discovers that Tsuna managed to develop into a truly worthy opponent while he wasn't looking. He further surprises himself by realizing this isn't as nearly big a shock as he expected it to be. Life in the Vongola family instantly becomes a great deal less irritating.

(Tsuna, on the other hand, vows never to spar with anyone new ever again, in fear of gaining yet another lunatic eager for a rematch.)

8.

Hibari had little to no interest in ever owning a pet prior to Hibird. Maintaining order at his school was a big enough responsibility, and he was already thoroughly disillusioned about the idea of taking care of another living being after years of neglect from his parents. Short of the other members of his Disciplinary Committee (whom aside from Kusakabe he views at best as necessary, and at worst as _unfortunately_ necessary), he had no desire for civil interaction with any life form whatsoever.

Hibird, he discovers during his short stay in Kokuyo Health Land, is a viciously intelligent little creature that not only takes an instant liking to him but consciously learns the Namimori school anthem for the sole purpose of impressing him. Despite its cute, fuzzy, harmless appearance, Hibird not only has a sharp mind uncharacteristic of a creature its size, but a sadistic streak instilled in it by its previous owner, Birds. While in years to come Hibari picks up a number of birds of the same breed as Hibird in order to set up a spy network, none of them quite ever match up to the original.

(His hedgehog may have the occasional nervous breakdown when it fears it hasn't pleased him, but he recognizes its fighting capabilities instantly and soon begins to contemplate the merits of keeping a small collection of cute, vicious animals at his disposal.)

9.

During elementary school, Kusakabe Tetsuya was the leader of a gang of delinquents and one of Hibari's most frequent victims. Kusakabe declares himself indebted to Hibari after the other boy inadvertently saves his underlings from an actual gang when said gang makes the mistake of mocking him as he was on his way home, but it takes Tetsuya until middle school to prove his worth.

He does so after Hibari becomes the head of the Disciplinary Committee, revealing that not only have his years as a gang leader given him a sense of how to handle taking charge of others, but also that his organizational skills are beyond compare. Hibari may be the one with the fierce dedication to his job and the sheer brutality to back it up, but Kusakabe is the one who takes care of things behind the scenes. In return, Hibari allows Kusakabe's ex-delinquent comrades to join the committee as well.

Hibari knows that Kusakabe's devotion is nothing less than genuine, and because of this his right hand man is the only person he ever acknowledges as being remotely close to a friend.

(This may or may not change after his involvement with the Vongola family, although the only thing he'll ever say about his relationship with his fellow Guardians is that it's either suitably complicated or non-existent, and he refuses to say anything at all about Dino Cavallone until the man stops walking into walls the moment his subordinates are out of sight.)

10.

Hibari is the only Guardian Tsuna trusts with the full details of his time travel plot with Irie Shouichi. Hibari assumes this is due to both his ruthless efficiency and the fact that of all the Guardians he is the only one without some sort of attachment to his pathetic boss, and therefore the least likely to fall apart after his "death."

And so, when Tsuna is finally brought down by that special bullet, Hibari can't understand why he nearly jeopardizes the mission by showing up suspiciously early on the scene to watch the Vongola Decimo take his final breaths.

As Tsuna slips into his pseudo-death state, Hibari feels something an awful lot like grief settle in his stomach, and for the first time wonders if he may have invested just a little too much emotion into this screwed up family of theirs.

* * *

For some reason, Hibari was a lot easier than Yamamoto. Go figure.

It's been suggested that I focus on the Guardians first for the sake of coherency, which is actually a really good idea (thanks, ThreeWayDart!), so I believe I shall. Which Guardian next, boys and girls?

Please note that Mukuro and Chrome count as separate people. But yeah, they're both Guardians.

As always, constructive criticism is a beautiful thing.

Until…hopefully some time next week!


	5. Rokudo Mukuro

Well, it looks like Rokudo Mukuro's up. (Once again, Ryohei took second place TO THE EXTREME.)

And the somewhat regular schedule…ness remains! Hooray!

These are much, much more entertaining to write than they should be. Just so you know.

As always, thank you reviewers! You're awesome!

(To ThreeWayDart and Emily Sinclair: it's true, and I'm sorry. I tried! Mukuro, I am fairly certain, has gone better?)

* * *

_Rokudo Mukuro

* * *

_

1.

Mukuro has a closeted obsession with birds, culminating in his long-term possession of Glo Xinia's box weapon.

His continued interest in Hibari Kyouya, therefore, has as much to do with Hibird as it does with the boy himself.

2.

Rokudo Mukuro is not his real name. He's not entirely sure he even remembers what it is.

Chikusa, in fact, is the only one of the three of them who _is_ using his true name, as he was the only one in any condition to remember it after Mukuro butchered their way out of Estraneo family's testing facilities. The Japanese-born yo-yo slinger had been subjected to the least experimentation of the three—it was several days before Ken remembered how to talk, and Mukuro, while horribly coherent, spent the majority of his time coming to terms with the memories of several past lives that were quite possibly not even his.

Ken has always been the stronger of the two, but Mukuro keeps Chikusa around because one never forgets the person who names them.

3.

While Mukuro originally began pursuing Sawada Tsunayoshi in order to possess his body, he continues to do so after his crushing defeat in an effort to corrupt the boy's disgustingly pure soul.

(Or at least, he's been telling himself this for ten years straight and isn't about to change his answer.)

4.

Mukuro gets his distinctive laugh from the man responsible for teaching him the Six Paths in a previous life. After mastering the technique, Mukuro killed his teacher using the very abilities the man had given him, but to this day every time that laugh escapes his lips he's not entirely sure he won.

5.

Mukuro considers Lancia a kindred spirit from the moment he's adopted into the Mafioso's family. He only possesses Lancia and murders his family in order to give his fellow orphan the same gift of freedom he had so recently earned for himself.

He goes on to make Lancia his personal scapegoat as punishment for how _ungrateful_ the man had been about Mukuro's generosity.

6.

While Mukuro is sadistic, invasive, and downright disrespectful of others' personal space, he hates physical contact with a fiery passion. He specifically designed his trident to put as much distance as possible between he and his opponent, and when the occasion calls for close combat, well, there's a reason he makes a habit of materializing gloves.

Mukuro has absolutely no problem violating others and stealing their secrets, but he is desperately afraid of what people might find if they start learning his.

7.

There is no one in the world Mukuro hates more than Byakuran. It's true they have their similarities—even Mukuro himself must admit that Byakuran's ultimate goal as a god of ruin is not far off from his own genocidal dreams, and the first thing any member of the Vongola family compares Byakuran's empty smile to is Mukuro's own poisonous façade.

The real reason Mukuro loathes Byakuran beyond comprehension is because of the Millefiore boss's power. Mukuro has long come to terms with the fact that he is probably incurably insane, but one thing he _will_ thank the Estraneo family for is the endless possibilities his Six Paths eye has given him. Byakuran's abilities manage to render the majority of Mukuro's completely useless with little to no effort, and he only gained them due to the stupidity of a time-traveling middle school student.

Mukuro may be just as ruthless, power-hungry, manipulative, deranged, and gleefully creative with his abilities as his opponent, but of the two of them he's damn well certain that he's the only one who's _earned_ that right.

8.

Mukuro refuses to admit he even knows the meaning of the word 'otaku', but the man responsible for smuggling himself and his fellow escapees into Japan most certainly fit the bill. The first few days of Mukuro's hard-earned freedom were spent hidden away in a van with nothing to do but plan out his revenge and watch a nonstop anime marathon. Part of him honestly hopes that the Vendicare prison never finds out about this particular experience, as he's pretty sure it qualifies as a ruthlessly effective torture technique. The only reason the smuggler didn't die a horrible death after they finally arrived at their destination is because Mukuro wanted to avoid detection before launching his plan into action.

He will admit that the school uniforms were very stylish, though.

(Incidentally, this is the only thing he and Hibari Kyouya have _ever_ been able to agree on.)

9.

Meeting sad, lost, damaged little Nagi when he did was a stroke of luck, and Mukuro believes the extra energy required to keep his host alive is a small price to pay for a selflessly loyal pawn that literally cannot live without him.

Getting to know her, naturally, is vital to keeping a semblance of familiarity and kinship with his young charge, and her alias both necessary (can't risk having a dead girl walking around, after all) and a wonderful way of taunting the Vongola family with his return. She is, quite literally, _his_ Chrome—both his creation and his willing host, until the day he's able to free himself and no longer needs her.

If as time goes on, he starts wasting a little more energy than is wise having casual conversations with her, it's only because his sole alternative is wasting away in the hellish tank that Vendicare has stuck him in. Whatever protective measures he takes on her he does simply because a damaged body is more difficult to control. He only teaches her how to materialize her own organs and gain that much more independence because it means he can conserve his own strength for when he really needs it. And if he passes over stronger, more powerful vessels (his charming student Fran comes to mind) in favor of that weak, uncertain little girl, it's only because he's already put so much time and energy molding her into the perfect host.

Mukuro considers Nagi every bit as expendable as the day he met her.

_Really_.

10.

Mukuro is incredibly proud of the fact that he is a sociopathic mass-murdering monster with only the faintest glimmers of humanity. That thought alone is what enabled him to rebuild himself after years of experimentation and the massive identity crisis he suffered when the Estraneo family crammed the memories of over half a dozen other lives (and deaths) into his head in an effort to create the perfect weapon. It gives him a purpose, however bloodthirsty, and quite frankly he's not sure it's even possible to recover whoever the hell he was before his loving family made him that way. Turning back has never been an option.

Sawada Tsunayoshi absolutely terrifies Mukuro because for some reason the boy is the only person alive who actually thinks he can be _redeemed_.

* * *

So…in total honesty? There's not a single character in KHR that I actively dislike (even if some of them I enjoy in a 'love to hate them' sort of way), and I absolutely love all the leads, but Mukuro's one of my favorites. (As is Chrome.)

I really hope the bias doesn't show. Or that there is any bias at all, actually. If there is, I apologize now and shall try to put just as much effort into all who follow.

Thematically, Chrome seems like she should go next, but if you'd absolutely die if it wasn't Ryohei or Lambo instead, just say the word!

(But everyone will get their turn. I swear. Hopefully.)


	6. Chrome Dokuro

Ah, Chrome Dokuro, the only Vongola Guardian confirmed to have more estrogen than testosterone. Represent, Chrome.

I will never get tired of saying this, although you may get tired of reading it, but thanks as always to you awesome, awesome reviewer people. This would not be nearly as fun or possible without you.

On an entirely unrelated note, I think I just broke a personal curse of mine! This is the first fic I have EVER written to manage to get past five chapters without suffering a horrible death via writer's block! Suddenly, I feel capable of anything!

(Except maybe flight. Which is kind of a shame.)

One Tsuna and five Guardians down, two to go!

(To Feri: Er, if you don't mind me asking, how so? It's too late to do anything about this chapter but hopefully it could help with the rest! Thanks for the concrit!)

* * *

_Chrome Dokuro

* * *

_

1.

Nagi is the spitting image of her birth father, who ran out on her mother when she was six months pregnant.

One thing neither she nor her mother ever realizes is that _Nagi _is not the one putting distance between them.

2.

Nagi has always had a soft spot for strays because they remind her of herself, wandering through life invisible and abandoned. She makes a habit of taking in as many as she can hide without her parents noticing, and for the most part the strays seem to like her too. Their gratitude and affection is the only thing she finds truly worth living for.

The cat she saves on the day of her fateful accident was to be her latest addition. While in the hospital, she overhears her mother saying she had found all her pets and had them put to sleep, and finds herself more upset over the fact that she was unable to save her tiny family than her own impending death.

When she is reborn as Chrome and first meets Ken and Chikusa, she realizes instantly why Mukuro-sama considers her a kindred spirit.

After all, he collects strays too.

3.

Contrary to popular belief, Chrome has devoted herself to Mukuro not because he saved her life, but because he is the first person to make her feel _needed_.

4.

Mukuro admits to Chrome when they begin her training for the upcoming ring battle that he never would have met her had it not been for her own latent ability with the Mist flame, and she believes him. As for the actual training, she manages to impress him by instantly mastering the art of illusionary concealment, although more complicated illusions and his attempts to teach her a few of the other Paths take a great deal more effort on both their parts.

She never tells him that the reason concealment came naturally is because she spent her entire lifetime as Nagi pretending she didn't exist.

5.

Chrome's first Christmas present as a Guardian is a video camera, given to her by Reborn. He smiles as he gives it to her, and tells her to put it to good use.

Ten years later, she has amassed an extensive library of blackmail discs of every member of the Vongola family. She has a separate collection dedicated to the enemies of the Vongola, but this is her pride and joy.

Incidentally, _Chrome's_ best kept secret is the fact that her beloved Mukuro-sama's section is the largest of them all.

6.

On the day of the Mist ring battle, Chrome gives Sawada Tsunayoshi her first kiss, and that kiss is the only one she has never regretted.

(For the record, she has kissed four other members of the Vongola family since then.)

7.

Chrome, despite the lack of her internal organs, is endlessly grateful for the new life Mukuro-sama has given her.

And yet, when she sees the distrust and hostility in her new family's eyes at the sight of her distinctive and ever-present trident, she can't help but wish they'd gotten to know Nagi instead.

8.

Chrome is well aware that the only reason Ken and Chikusa put up with her at all is because she's their only link to their revered Mukuro-sama. Nevertheless, she'd like to think that they're all companions on some level, even with Chikusa's cynical remarks and Ken's verbal abuse.

At least they acknowledge that she's there.

(Thankfully, as the years go by they realize she's there to stay and she gains the technical equipment and skill necessary to blackmail them both, so their relationship becomes considerably less one-sided.)

9.

Although the other Vongola girls make considerable effort to invite Chrome into their circle of friends, she repeatedly declines out of habit cultivated by years of solitude and concern that they'll discover just how maladjusted she really is.

I-Pin, of all people, is the first to worm her way past Chrome's shield of self-imposed isolation, and Chrome finds herself reluctantly opening up to the others not long after that. I-Pin, however, is the one she remains closest to, and prior to Byakuran's hostile takeover and the frantic scattering of their family to all corners of the globe, the two of them are nearly inseparable.

She really wishes Hibari Kyouya would stop mistaking I-Pin's love-induced explosions for rematch proposals from Mukuro, though.

10.

Chrome has never been entirely sure of her position in the Vongola family. Her name may have been the one announced at the Mist battle, but it was Rokudo Mukuro who Sawada Iemitsu signed on as his son's Mist Guardian, and it shows. While Gokudera Hayato has at least shown the same level of hostility towards both her and her savior, most of the others (Hibari Kyouya in particular comes to mind) tend to hold Mukuro in higher regard, both as a threat and an ally.

When Sawada Tsunayoshi, newly appointed as the Vongola Decimo, declares her to be his one and only Mist Guardian, even Chrome's loyalty to Mukuro is briefly eclipsed by her gratitude to the Tenth.

Mukuro gave her a life. Tsuna gives her a family.

Chrome is absolutely certain that she'd die for either of them.

* * *

So I've pretty much decided that Ryohei's next and Lambo can finish up the Guardians, so there's nothing you can do about that at this point. NOTHING, I tell you!

…Sorry about that. Anyway, even if it is two chapters from now, feel free to decide who you want next post-Guardians. The choices are: Reborn, Lal Mirch, Bianchi, I-Pin, Haru, and Kyoko. As before, the Varia are going last and may or may not already have an order, which is why they're not on the list.

Until Ryohei, then! (Although I have a bad feeling that he'll be difficult TO THE EXTREME.)

Heh. You only THINK I'm joking…


	7. Sasagawa Ryohei

WHY, RYOHEI, WHY? I told you he'd be difficult, really I did. Also, my schoolwork recently has been murder.

So I've noticed that the people I have more trouble with tend to get longer entries, probably because I keep rambling on until something resembling information emerges. Tsuna? Easy, short, and sweet. Ryohei? Not so much. (Holy crap, HOW long is number 4?)

And, as always, thank you reviewers! Especially you repeat offenders! (Takahashi Reina, ThreeWayDart, Feri, BlackCatHikari, NACHOIMG, Emily Sinclair, ZiaLiaLis, Arcbound Illusionist, Lady Ladington, Kiwee, and anyone else I most likely forgot, you rock my socks off.)

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY!

To Feri: No, that's totally fair! I can especially see where you're coming from with 8, which is kind of the omake's (both anime and manga) fault, because him having a school uniform fetish is something of a running gag there. So, not technically canon. 5, on the other hand, has less to do with me thinking he's not a sadist (he most definitely is), and more to do with the belief that he's, well, freakin' insane. And so is his logic. Uh. That's why, in any case. I don't know if that helps?

To Kuro-30fyre: Guilty as charged, but in all honesty I don't think I would have been able to come up with ten if I hadn't. Also, speculation is what I live for. It really is. At least they're still kind of canon compliant? It would sort of ruin the purpose if they weren't. And then I would be sad.

* * *

_Sasagawa Ryohei

* * *

_

1.

When tiny, toddler Ryohei stared down at the wailing pink bundle that he had just been informed would be joining his family, he realized instantly that it was the end of his freedom and privileges as an only child. He spent the next two years deeply resenting the rapidly growing infant he was told he had to call sister, particularly the fact that he was supposed to be responsible for this strange creature with absolutely no concept of fighting and an unhealthy obsession with dolls.

He comes to realize how stupid this is the day he goes for his daily run around their house (all he can handle at that age) and hears the huffing and puffing of a determined, short-legged Kyoko fighting the epic battle between gravity and inexperienced two-year-old as she struggles to tag along behind her older brother. He stops running and Kyoko crashes into him, craning her head upward and smiling at him with all the love and devotion of a trusting younger sibling.

This is the first day she calls him brother, and the day he comes to the conclusion that, above all else, Kyoko will _always_ be worth protecting.

2.

Ryohei's crush on I-Pin's future self quickly fades when Tsuna is finally able to explain all the nuances of the Ten Year Bazooka to him, and he then takes it upon himself to unofficially adopt the Chinese assassin as a second little sister and ensure that she grows up to become the efficient fighter he so respected.

This leads to a number of problems when the Arcobaleno Fon's will forces Hibari Kyouya to _officially_ adopt I-Pin, but after the initial, explosive battle between Ryohei and the volatile Cloud Guardian, very few of them involve Ryohei himself.

Hell, even Ryohei has to admit that the next person stupid enough to ask which one of them is the mother deserves what's coming to him.

3.

It takes five years, countless heated exchanges in the Sasagawa household while waiting for Kyoko to get out of whatever club she had deigned to help that week, two disastrous not-dates, a lot of growing up on both their parts and the inevitable outing of Ryohei's involvement in the Vongola family for him to realize that he's head over heels for Hana.

Falling in love with his sister's best friend is awkward, even for Ryohei, but Kyoko gives her blessing and he and Hana make it work in spite of their respective careers.

The number of arguments Ryohei has won has _skyrocketed _since he's been able to point out that he's apparently the sole Guardian capable of maintaining a stable relationship.

4.

Ryohei differs from ninety percent of the teenage population of Namimori in that when he first met Hibari Kyouya, he was already in the hospital. The meeting took place the year before either of them had entered middle school, at a time when Hibari had been a borderline delinquent with utterly terrifying combat potential but lacked the power and influence he would later gain as part of the Disciplinary Committee.

They'd been crammed in the same room after a nurse had noticed that they were around the same age, Ryohei having attempted to take on one too many thugs at once with rather disastrous consequences and Hibari on the road to recovery after his nasty bout of pneumonia had gone unnoticed by his parents until it was nearly too late.

Around his body cast Ryohei had somehow managed to take note of the fact that his roommate was in his age group and obviously interested in fighting, and proceeded to regale the other boy with the details of his many fights and lifelong ambition to become a boxer. Hibari, still weak from his illness and drugged to the gills with antibiotics and codeine, was able to get in a weak "shut up, herbivore" a total of two times during the conversation and was promptly ignored.

It surprises Ryohei, then, when Hibari instantly agrees to the fight Ryohei challenges him to after the boxer is deemed fully recovered and bidding his roommate a fond farewell. Hibari still had a few more days to go, but Ryohei enthusiastically vowed to wait outside the hospital until the other boy was ready to leave.

(Fifteen minutes after Hibari's release from the hospital, Ryohei is readmitted, along with twelve unfortunate bystanders. This sets the precedent for their entire future relationship.)

5.

After Kyoko's meltdown and crushing guilt over the scar Ryohei gets trying to defend her from bullies in elementary school, Ryohei makes a vow to push himself to the absolute limit in an effort to ensure that he never again upsets his sister like that.

The results of this vow are mixed, particularly when he's introduced to boxing not two years later and instantly becomes obsessed with the sport, but Ryohei lives secure in the knowledge that, as long as he continues to push himself, he will someday live to see the day where Kyoko will never have cause to cry again.

6.

Ryohei will be the first to admit that he's not the most intuitive man in the world, but even he can see that the majority of his fellow family members find his lifestyle to be absolutely batshit insane.

(The main reason he keeps butting heads with Gokudera Hayato, in fact, is because Ryohei recognizes that the bomber is nearly as haphazard as Ryohei himself and finds his disapproval to be extremely hypocritical.)

On the other hand, Ryohei _is_ intuitive enough to recognize that, while his lifestyle is indeed a little on the wild side, even the most conventional-seeming of the Vongola still manage to be crazier than him in practically every other respect.

7.

Being a year older than Tsuna doesn't particularly bother Ryohei at first—Tsuna regards him as an older brother, after all, and someone had to go ahead and pave the way for the younger Guardians at Namimori.

(Hibari, naturally, was less likely to pave the way _for_ the others than to pave the way _with_ their broken and unconscious bodies.)

Following their showdown with the Varia, though, Ryohei begins to see just how far the gap has grown between his relationship with his boss-to-be and Tsuna's unbreakable friendship with Gokudera and Yamamoto, or even the twisted bond the Vongola heir shares with borderline psychotic stalker Rokudo Mukuro.

Getting left back a year may not have been a deliberate move on Ryohei's part, but he's grateful for it and the chance to make up for lost time with his fellow Guardians.

8.

While none of the Guardians are particularly the nurturing type, Ryohei still finds it strange that he's the one who ended up with the healing flame.

(Kyoko, of course, takes to healing like a duck to water and promptly bribes her brother to teach her self-defense in exchange for helping him with the medical procedures.)

Appropriately enough, he ends up using it on himself more than anyone else anyway.

9.

Ryohei's parents are doting, supportive, and entirely oblivious to their children's lives. As he grows older, Ryohei becomes absolutely convinced that the entire reason he and Kyoko are so gullible is because of their parents' influence.

Still, it quickly becomes obvious to Ryohei that he is the only Guardian to have the benefit of two present and caring parents, and he wouldn't trade them for the world.

(Years later, his parents are both delighted and awed that their only son is able to afford to keep sending them such extravagant gifts on an amateur boxer's payroll.)

10.

As much as he loves Kyoko, Ryohei has always wanted a younger sibling who shares his interests, and it is for this reason that he continuously tries to recruit anyone he takes a liking to into his boxing club.

Up until the day Byakuran becomes their largest priority and Ryohei stops asking, Tsuna unfailingly turns down the boxer's constant demands that he take up the sport. Nevertheless, Ryohei watches the weak uncertain youth desperately in need of a magical bullet to realize his full potential grow into a confident and strong man capable of pushing himself further beyond his limits than even Ryohei himself, and knows that there is no one in the world who deserves to call him "big brother" more than Tsuna.

(But if Tsuna even _thinks_ about breaking his sweet little Kyoko's kind and loving heart, Ryohei will not hesitate to kick his ass, boss or no boss.)

* * *

…There's no ALL CAPS. Clearly this is a travesty. Also a mark of how tired I am right now. Lambo will probably come out sometime vaguely soon! Hopefully. I owe a double-whammy at this point, anyway.

Vote's the same: Reborn, Bianchi, I-Pin, Kyoko, Haru, and Lal Mirch. Currently, Reborn's in the lead with I-Pin in second place.

Until next time, then! Here's to hoping it's sooner than last time!


	8. Lambo

Gah. GAH.

I'd like to say that the delay was due to a lack of free time (which initially, it was), but actually I think it may have been due to a surplus. I love vacation time as much as anyone else, but at least the school year has structure…discipline is not my strong suit.

And ff net took away my precious dashes! WHERE HAVE THEY GONE? Geez, I had to go back and edit all seven of the previous chapters so there were actual dividers again, so if anyone got a ridiculous number of notices about chapters eight or nine…that would be why. For things like that bother me deeply.

Due to this long delay, I have finally posted a double-whammy! Reborn was ridiculously in the lead, anyway.

Reviewers! You are awesome. And patient. And much deserving of thanks. So…THANK YOU! (Someday, I will respond to things. When I am less frazzled. Maybe. But in the meantime, you all remain awesome.)

And now, at long last, Lambo!

* * *

_Lambo_

* * *

1.

Lambo's devotion to Tsuna, unlike the others, comes not from the fact that he respects the man Tsuna has become, but because he knows his boss started out as just as big a loser as he did.

2.

Lambo would be just as efficient a fighter as I-Pin, if not more so, if it weren't for the unfortunate fact that he possesses the attention span and discipline of an average five-year-old, and the self-esteem of a salted slug. The vast difference in skill between his fifteen-year-old self and hers continues to be due to self-esteem issues—in no small part the fault of a certain gun-toting Arcobaleno.

As depressing as it is for him to realize it, it's only after Reborn's death that he begins to gain the confidence that allows him to become his twenty-five-year-old self.

3.

Lambo is the only Guardian who has _always_ considered the current Vongola his family, as he alone was raised to adulthood alongside them. As a result, all his childhood hopes and dreams more or less revolve around those family members.

Very near the top of the list is his long-standing childish curiosity to see Hibari Kyouya literally bite someone to death.

4.

Getting raised by Ranking Fuuta after Sawada Iemitsu deems the attacks on his household far too dangerous for his poor wife to handle is a surreal experience, to say the least, between the fact that Fuuta is actually targeted by enemies far more than Lambo has ever been for his unique ability, Fuuta's compulsive ranking (Lambo spends more of his childhood hovering various distances off the ground than he does walking), and the closeness of their respective ages (although Fuuta most likely possessed more common sense by the time he hit age five than Lambo does before he reaches eighteen).

Still, Lambo reasons when he looks back on the dysfunctional years of his youth, it's infinitely preferable to getting raised by one of his fellow Guardians.

5.

By Lambo's sixteenth birthday, he is immune not only to electricity, but to practically every kind of poison known to man.

He supposes he should probably thank Bianchi for this, but he's too afraid she'll try to bake him something if he does.

6.

The Bovino family, while nowhere near on par with the extremely deceased Estraneo family, has the unfortunate habit of viewing its younger members as nothing more than test subjects. As Lambo gets older, he realizes that the only reason they allowed him to pursue his ludicrous vendetta against Reborn was as a means to test out the prototype Ten-Year Bazooka.

Lambo may have found his way to Japan as a grudge-holding infantile Mafioso, but he stays because even with their flaws, the Vongola are the first real family he's ever had.

7.

By the time Lambo reaches the tender age of seven, he has already visited and explored more alternate futures than Irie Shouichi does in a lifetime.

By the time he's ten and has calmed down enough to actually observe his surroundings, he's already put together a (very crude) timeline of when and how Byakuran first begins to target the Vongola family. Unfortunately, between his naïve inability to comprehend the true significance of the situation, his impulsive attitude, and his family's overall continued dismissal of its youngest member, he's unable to warn any of them.

All the Guardians may feel the same devastation over Tsuna's death, but only Lambo has to live through it more than once.

8.

Lambo's horns are a gift from his dearly departed mother, an influential scientist within the Bovino family prior to her tragic but inevitable death-by-explosion when one of the many Ten-Year Bazooka experiments goes awry.

(The Bovino's decision to pass on said gift to her son would seem more sentimental if it weren't for the fact that the very presence of those horns is entirely responsible for Lambo's gradual 'immunization' to electricity.)

Interestingly enough, due to the nature of the aforementioned experiments, he ends up running into her at age twenty anyway, and it is she who shows him how to unlock his full potential as Lightning Guardian, five years late (or perhaps early) though she may have been.

Lambo wouldn't trade that meeting for the world, but even so considers Sawada Nana to be the only woman in his life who qualifies for the title 'mother.'

9.

Fifteen-year-old Lambo's chivalrous tendencies are actually the product of too much time spent in the presence of Trident Shamal during his youth, much to the dismay of the majority of the Vongola family. Lambo initially apprentices (that is, begs and cries for hours on end before the good doctor finally gives in) himself to Shamal at age six in an effort to get the better of his _other_ (slightly less dismissive) rival, one Gokudera Hayato, and Shamal agrees because 'chicks dig guys with cute kids.'

Seven years and one onset of puberty later, Shamal abruptly cuts off Lambo's so-called apprenticeship when (despite the Bovino's still questionable competence in the field of battle) the student becomes the master.

Every Valentine's Day, though, Lambo must question whether or not it was worth it.

10.

Lambo identifies himself as a member of the Bovino family all the way into his adulthood, both verbally and by continuing to wear the Bovino colors (well, cow-print) throughout the years.

As far as he's concerned, the work he does for the Vongola family is just one big payback for the debt he owes to big brother Tsuna.

(Because if there's one thing Lambo's always been good at, it's recognizing the difference between family and _family_. The Bovino family has had his allegiance since birth, but the Vongola family and its boss will always have his devotion.)

* * *

Um, in case anyone was wondering, and I probably should've mentioned this sooner, these 'facts' are indeed for the Vongola family of the TYL-verse, right up until the point when Tsuna poofs into existence in his coffin and turns everything all topsy-turvy. So yeah, no Uni-retcon, no Shimon family, Byakuran's pretty much on the verge of winning...wow. This has more depressing-potential than I thought…

Lambo may or may not be the exception to some of this. Man, time travel is confusing.


	9. Reborn

Just watch. All of these will be rendered totally pointless by some upcoming chapter of KHR, I just know it. Maybe even as soon as THIS AFTERNOON.

Meh, oh well. I finished it, didn't I?

* * *

_Reborn_

* * *

1.

Just as Xanxus has Squalo, and Tsuna has Gokudera, Reborn once served as Timoteo's right-hand man and Guardian (Sun, in his case).

Timoteo had only to point and Reborn would shoot without hesitation, say jump and he'd ask how high, and when the Ninth asked him to take on the Arcobaleno curse, well, there was really only one answer he could give.

(Reborn's greatest regret about the Arcobaleno curse is the distance it has put between him and his former family members.)

2.

Reborn knew both Lal Mirch and Colonnello long before the Arcobaleno incident—Lal Mirch from their days in the mafia academy and the time they both served with the Vongola family, and Colonnello because the two of them honestly did grow up together.

As a child he was significantly weaker than _both_ of them, and both were the sort to take advantage of such a thing. He considers it an act of revenge when puberty hits and he quickly manages to surpass Lal at their training school. By the time Timoteo recruits both he and Lal for the Vongola family, he has run into Colonnello again and gleefully proven himself superior to his old friend as well.

(His second, but unintentional act of revenge is introducing Lal Mirch and Colonnello to one another.)

3.

The name Reborn is an alias he assumed when he began working as a hitman, and he has made every effort to get rid of as much evidence of his original name as possible from the day he decided on said alias. Lal Mirch and Colonnello aside (as both knew him before he became Reborn), there are only two people in the mafia he has ever revealed his real name to.

One is Luce. The other, naturally, is Timoteo.

4.

Reborn spent the majority of his years as the Vongola Sun Guardian hitting mercilessly on Lal Mirch solely because he knew Colonnello was after her.

(Of his many talents, matchmaking has never been one of them.)

He's _still_ baffled by the fact that Colonnello's painfully obvious jealousy didn't cause one of them to take a goddamn hint already.

5.

While Reborn has little problem with bullying Skull day in and day out (the little brat deserves it for being so damn annoying), the Arcobaleno he is least fond of is Verde, and the feeling is mutual.

This is because they both realize that Reborn is, of all the Trinisette guardians, the only one who is every bit a match for Verde in terms of intelligence, and therefore the hitman can see just how much Verde abuses his skills for his own benefits.

(Interestingly enough, many years later they face death together in an unlikely partnership against Byakuran himself, and it is only then that they finally come close to understanding one another.)

6.

Reborn is not a hat person. When he first became a hitman he bought and wore a number of truly hideous hats that were often conveniently destroyed within minutes of whatever mission he happened go on afterwards.

Lal claimed it was divine intervention. Colonnello just laughed and asked how a guy who prided himself on being a snappy dresser could have such terrible taste.

(Lal would then roll her eyes when Colonnello would show up minutes afterwards sporting, at the very least, a broken nose.)

Timoteo is the one who finally puts an end to the Great Hat Fiasco by ambushing Reborn outside a hat shop not long after a mission, stuffing his signature fedora into his hands, and ordering him to never take the damn thing off on pain of death.

Until the curse, he never does.

7.

Reborn can and will happily list any number of reasons for why he enjoys beating the ever-loving crap out of the likes of Skull and Lambo, but the truth is that they just remind him too damn much of his easily victimized younger self.

On the days he can bring himself to admit this, he comforts himself with the thought that at least _he_ was so frequently picked on for being a nerd. Those two are just _obnoxious_.

8.

Uni is the spitting image of her grandmother, which relieves Reborn, because if she'd been the spitting image of her grandfather Tsuna probably would have started asking a lot of awkward questions.

9.

Reborn is an avid hater of children, incompetence, and anything less than instant gratification. As such, tutoring is pretty much the last career on Earth he'd ever expected himself to take up, especially after years of watching Lal Mirch and Colonnello's pitiful excuse for a relationship, so when he's roped into teaching a young and extremely clumsy Dino Cavallone he goes into it fully determined to be so horrific at the job that it's never asked of him again.

He's still not sure how Dino emerged from his hellish program alive, let alone as a halfway decent mafia boss, but after that unlikely outcome it's more or less impossible for him to say no when Tsuna's name comes up.

10.

Reborn watches Timoteo lose three heirs to enemy families and one to his own ambitions over a period of less than a decade, and fears for the continued stability of the Vongola family. Absolutely none of these fears are assuaged when Iemitsu turns down the position in favor of his young, inexperienced and utterly ignorant son, particularly when Iemitsu claims that Tsuna's more likely to flourish under Reborn's dubious care than that of his own father.

Training Tsuna promises from the start to be even more difficult than Dino, both due to the boy's lack of experience in the ways of the mafia world and Tsuna's inheritance of the Vongola line's uncanny ability to attract only the most deranged of allies and enemies (most of whom have a tendency to start as one and end up as the other). There is nothing Reborn will admit to liking about Tsuna, save for the endless potential he refuses to use, and had it not been for the ever-calming presence of Sawada Nana Reborn suspects he might have tried killing Tsuna in earnest.

Reborn very bluntly relates all of this to one Vongola Decimo years later, and the fact that Tsuna is able to laugh about any of it says volumes about how much he's grown.

(Reborn is never able to tell how much of the man Tsuna becomes is the result of his teaching and how much is his former student's innate nature, but not once does he look back on their time together with regret.)

* * *

…That Brow Nie Jr. guy is totally young enough that this is still plausible, dammit.

In other news, the vote! I-Pin, Lal Mirch, Haru, Bianchi, or Kyoko is up next. Who shall it be?

Until then! (And may it be sooner than this time was. By a lot.)


	10. I Pin

O HAI GUYS I'M NOT DEAD. (Probably.)

HERE HAVE A CHAPTER. (And thank you for being awesome reviewer people and not giving up on me. Seriously. So. Much. Thanks.)

* * *

_I-Pin

* * *

_

1.

I-Pin initially falls hard for Hibari Kyouya because of all the traits he shares with her master. Ten years and one increasingly bleak future later, she continues to love him for all the traits he _doesn't_.

2.

I-Pin has no memory of her birth parents. They were, apparently, talented martial artists in their own rights, her father having been a Triad assassin and her mother Fon's previous pupil, but their combined infamy led to a joint contract on both their heads and a hit on their household when I-Pin was two. She herself was only spared because Fon happened drop by unannounced and managed to eliminate the attackers just minutes too late to save her parents.

Her childhood was anything but orthodox—Fon was never cruel or abusive towards her but the Storm Arcobaleno's strengths lay in teaching combat and survival, not raising a toddler, and so although I-Pin was considered a competent assassin by the age of four and a half, her social skills were rudimentary at best and her massive Electra complex a cause of worry among the few of her associates willing to accept a child as their peer.

I-Pin only realizes what she's missing when Sawada Nana first enters her life.

(I-Pin eventually matures into one of the most level headed and well-adjusted members of the Vongola family thanks to Nana's influence, but that Electra complex never quite goes away.)

3.

I-Pin is fluent in Japanese by the time she is seven. She officially steps out of the Mafia world at age ten in order to dedicate all her efforts towards her education, and is able to breeze through both middle and high school in all of four years free of her obligations to the Vongola. At fifteen she manages to balance her college work with the ramen delivery service that allows her to pay the aforementioned college tuition (she turns down Tsuna's offer to support her on the basis that she's no longer contributing to the family and would rather not take advantage of an old friend) almost flawlessly, save for the occasional hiccup caused by a certain time traveling bazooka.

That said, I-Pin is subjected to no less than eighty-three assassination attempts, one hundred twenty-seven attempted kidnappings, fourteen hostage situations and six incredibly persistent marriage proposals in the five years following her resignation from the Vongola family.

At the very least, she reasons, her martial arts skills will never run the risk of getting rusty, although she's running out of places to hide the bodies.

(Calling Tsuna for help with the disposal is out of the question. I-Pin owes him enough already and she_ is_ out of that silly Mafia business now, after all.)

4.

Old man Kawahira is I-Pin's favorite customer—despite his disproval over her bazooka-induced congealed ramen deliveries—simply because they have so much in common. I-Pin recognizes Kawahira as a retired assassin such as herself after her first delivery to his house (although the Mist-fueled security barrier around his yard is a dead giveaway) and gets the man to admit it several accusations and ramen deliveries later, whereupon Kawahira agrees to keep her updated on the continued activities of the Mafia world in exchange for her silence about his former career (and current one, for that matter, as one of Japan's very few but increasingly invaluable Mafia informants).

Thanks to Kawahira and his information, I-Pin has already quit her job, dropped out of college and packed her bags by the time Lambo shows up on her doorstep reluctantly asking for her help in the fight against Byakuran.

5.

I-Pin is mistaken for a boy eight times out of ten every day until she hits puberty. Following those initial few eventful and traumatizing months, she both requires a new wardrobe and finds herself using her martial arts on lovesick teenage boys more often than mafia assassins.

As difficult as teenage hormones are to deal with, I-Pin's greatest challenge is coming to terms with her newfound femininity and the sudden interest of the male gender. Between her unconventional upbringing and former status as "one of the guys", she's ill-equipped to deal with the sudden flood of Valentine's day chocolates, the scribbled notes stuffed in her shoe locker, and the bizarre challenges that end with her would-be suitors in the hospital.

Finally developing ears so she can wear glasses properly totally makes it all worth it, though.

6.

After ten years of having to deal with a whirlwind of chaos, I-Pin is absolutely certain she could never fall for Lambo.

After twenty, she can't imagine living without him.

7.

I-Pin has never wanted to become an assassin; it just takes her a few years to realize that she has other options. She never blames Fon for this—the Arcobaleno had little choice but to give her every means possible to defend herself, considering her parents' reputation, and he's happy enough to seal away her Pinzu Bomb when she asks.

I-Pin's true dream is to become a gourmet chef, and she begins pursuing it as soon as she gets permission from Tsuna.

The Vongola's needs, however, will always come first.

(Her dream is halfway realized when she is made head cook for Tsuna and his Guardians after she serves them a halfway decent meal made entirely from one of _Bianchi's_ recipes.)

8.

I-Pin makes her first kill at age three, three younger than any of the other current Vongola, the Varia included.

Reborn is the only one who knows this. No one else bothers to ask.

9.

I-Pin is already maladjusted enough at five to have trouble dealing with the kindness and affection the other girls show her, but little by little she opens up to them and soon realizes that she's laughed more in the past few months than she had in a lifetime. The Vongola girls have their own set of quirks and dysfunctions, but I-Pin treasures them because they are the first crowd she has ever felt like she's belonged to.

When strange, introverted Chrome Dokuro becomes Tsuna's Mist Guardian, I-Pin isn't the first to extend the hand of friendship, but she is the only one to try persuading Chrome to join their circle of friends after the illusionist refuses.

I-Pin has been there herself after all, and she's eventually rewarded when, after over a year of quiet prompting, she finally sees Chrome Dokuro laugh like she means it.

10.

I-Pin has seen Tsuna as a number of things over the years: a target, an accident, an unlikely heir to the Mafia's most powerful family, a convenient meal ticket, a foster-brother through Sawada Nana's generosity towards all her wards, one of Reborn's many unfortunate victims, a frightened boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders, a reasonable boss, and a powerful friend foremost among them.

But above all, Tsuna has always been there for her when she needed him. And in return, I-Pin vows that she'll always be there for him.

* * *

I'M SO SORRY I-PIN BUT YOU WERE JUST. SO. DIFFICULT. I can't go back. I CAN NEVER GO BACK.

And yet, somehow, the vote remains. Lal Mirch, Kyoko, Haru, and Bianchi are still on the table. Thoughts?

Will the semi-regular schedule return? WHO KNOWS? (But I very much hope it does.)

And now I shall go off somewhere until I am slightly less manic. Thanks for putting up with my caps attack, guys. What I want to know is where it was during that Ryohei chapter...


	11. Lal Mirch

Nope, still not dead. So Lal Mirch won, after briefly tying with Bianchi, but more on that after the chapter I made you wait so long for. Again. (I am a bad person and I should feel bad. And I do.)

In other news, there really needs to be a word for better than awesome (stupendous, maybe, but that just sounds kind of frilly and pretentious), because I need a new adjective to describe how great you reviewers are (past the two hundred mark and apparently someone recc'ed me. The horrifying fangirl squee I swore never to make could be heard for miles.). Unfortunately, I haven't actually gotten any email notices from this site since late December. Well. I got a PM last week, but I'm still not sure if that was an exception or it's finally working again. Um. Has anyone else had this problem?

But yeah, there should probably be actual chapter right about now. So…here!

* * *

_Lal Mirch_

* * *

1.

Lal Mirch spent her years prior to the Arcobaleno Incident juggling between Comsubin, tutoring Colonnello, and serving as the Rain Guardian of the Varia.

(Before the tutoring, she had always felt convinced that nothing would outweigh her devotion to the Vongola's Varia)

Many years later, when she has regained her adult form, the first thing she does is return to the Varia's castle and beat the hell out of Superbi Squalo for being such a crappy replacement.

2.

Contrary to popular belief, Lal has no problem wearing dresses outside of work.

It's so much easier to conceal weapons in a skirt anyway.

3.

The only thing Lal refuses to admit even more than her less-than-secret love for Colonnello is the fact that, deep down, she honestly does resent him for taking her place among the Arcobaleno.

4.

Lal Mirch hates Luce the moment she lays eyes on her. The Giglio Nero boss is everything she is not—sweet, empathetic, tactful, gentle, and unquestionably loved by all. The only other Arcobaleno not instantly smitten by her are Viper and Verde, and she seriously doubts either of them would know sexual _or_ emotional attraction if it bit them on the ass.

Hating Luce quickly becomes an exhausting task, as the woman does not seem to have a single hateful bone in her body, and so it doesn't take much for Lal to give in when Luce asks her (not Fon, the legendary martial artist, or Reborn, the flawless hitman) to teach her how to defend herself. In return, Luce helpfully gives her advice on flirting and seduction that Lal knows she'll never have the confidence to use.

As they get to know each other, Lal's hatred turns slowly into pity. Luce, she discovers, puts a great deal of effort into being a lovely figurehead, but little to none into being a functional human being.

Lal would like to think that they're friends now, but she's still glad she isn't around the day Luce finally breaks.

(She flat-out refuses to ever meet Aria for the same reason.)

5.

Lal Mirch and Fon have a dynamic eerily similar to a certain other pair of Rain and Storm Guardians, save for the fact that she's the short-tempered one and he incredibly laid back. She hesitates to call what they have 'friendship' ('what does it take to wipe the retarded grin off that spacey bastard's face' would be far more accurate), but it certainly serves to make both of them stronger and Luce never seems to mind paying for the property damage.

It's always amused her that Colonnello feels more threatened by _this_ less-than-stellar relationship than her amiable friendship with notorious Casanova Reborn.

6.

When Timoteo decides to adopt Xanxus, Lal Mirch is among the many dissenters. When Xanxus claws his way to the top of the Varia, she is the first to tell her boss that he should stop his son before the boy manages to screw up everything she and her generation worked so hard to achieve. Following the Cradle Affair, it is only by Reborn's intervention that Lal is prevented from punishing the rest of the Varia personally.

When news reaches her of Xanxus's defeat in the Vongola ring battle, Sawada Tsunayoshi wins Lal's eternal gratitude before she ever meets the boy. She knows Timoteo would hate her for it, but she wishes she'd been there to watch that bastard burn.

7.

Lal, to the surprise of no one, comes from a military family. Her father is a decorated admiral who clearly would've preferred a son, and her mother absent for much of her life due to the aforementioned traits of her father. Her father raises her as the son he'd always wanted before foisting her off on his old friend Daniela, better known as Vongola Ottavo, when he has to go back out to sea.

Daniela in turn sends her to the same academy as her son, where Lal puts the years under her father's strict training regimen to good use and promptly wipes the floor with all the boys in her year (including a certain future hitman, but excluding Timoteo, who's fortunate enough to be several years older than Lal).

The ruthlessness of the mafia captivates Lal Mirch and the Vongola welcome her with open arms, but her upbringing and blood will always belong to the military, which is how she finds herself trying to balance two fulltime jobs and absolutely no personal life.

(Then that _third_ job comes along, and she'll deny that it's personal as long as she has to, damn it.)

When the Arcobaleno curse goes horribly awry, Lal is convinced that she's rejected not because of Colonnello's interference, but her own conflicting loyalties.

8.

The first thing any member of CEDEF learns about Lal Mirch is that she's a terribly sore loser with a competitive streak a mile long. It is for this reason that, despite her seniority, Sawada Iemitsu makes damn sure she stays away from the more diplomatic missions.

(Naturally this reaches its logical conclusion when, in a comedy of errors, she, Xanxus and Hibari Kyouya are assigned to attend a conference in Venice together. While the ensuing destruction and bills nearly send Vongola Decimo into cardiac arrest, every witness to the incident immediately allies themselves with the Vongola afterwards, no questions asked.)

The only exceptions to this are Lal's students. She's not doing her job if she hasn't worked them more than half to death, but she's always proud to see them surpass her.

9.

Lal Mirch honestly doesn't notice Colonnello until Reborn formally introduces them, but she finds it impossible not to notice him afterwards. Out of all the passionate, driven men under her tutelage he's probably one of the most passionate and driven, but the thing that strikes her most is his rather worrying martyr complex. When he takes her place as the Rain Arcobaleno she's dismayed, but not particularly surprised.

Lal can pinpoint the exact moment she falls for Colonnello; it's two seconds before she decides she'll never tell him. It's not the confession itself she's ever been afraid of, so much as the knowledge that she'll inevitably lose him to his own ideals no matter what her decision.

(And yet, when she finally does lose him all she wishes is that she'd given them a chance after all.)

10.

Due to a variety of circumstances, Lal Mirch never actually meets Sawada Tsunayoshi. She's seen the work he's done as Decimo and most of his Guardians are eager to sing his praises, but she's heard that song and dance before with Timoteo, and the Vongola still nearly collapsed after Xanxus's second grab for power.

So Lal's more than a little surprised when the world keeps spinning after the Tenth is assassinated by Millefiore. Yes, the family's despair is practically palpable and the Guardians seem especially devastated, but there's no civil wars or power grabs or even total collapse and surrender to Millefiore, only the ongoing fight and a sense of expectation.

Lal doubts even the infamous Vongola Decimo has a backup plan in a situation like this, but she appreciates his influence nonetheless for giving them the strength they need to keep fighting.

* * *

Man, I am reaching on the number tens now, aren't I? Also, welcome to the weirder corners of my head-canon. I apologize if it ever gets TOO weird.

Again, the future events are meant for the TYL-verse rather than the current canon, partially because the TYL-verse haunts me forever but mostly because it was still going when I started this and I wanted to stay consistent.

Anyway! Because of the brief Lal Mirch-Bianchi tie, Bianchi is actually done, but as much as you guys deserve another double-whammy I thought you deserved the return of a regular schedule more. So Bianchi will be posted sometime next week, which will hopefully give me enough time to finish the next one. Which is decided. Alas, the vote has been put to rest. After Bianchi the order will be Haru, Kyoko, and then at long-last, the Varia.

I will finish this, damn it.


	12. Bianchi

What's this? An update? During a reasonable amount of time? Why yes, I believe it is.

And reviewers? Stay frosty. You rock my metaphorical socks.

And now...Bianchi!

* * *

_Bianchi_

* * *

1.

When Bianchi first met Reborn he took out her mark from right under her nose, and she hated him on sight. Bianchi was not only well-known for her grudges at the time, but for how much she _despised _losing.

So, she quickly found out, did Reborn. To this day she's not sure how he got her to agree to that first date, but she hasn't looked back since.

2.

Honest to God, Bianchi had absolutely nothing to do with Romeo's death by food poisoning. Her continuous attempts on Lambo's life are merely her efforts to rectify this matter.

3.

While Bianchi has never possessed the musical talent necessary to play an instrument on her brother's level, she has an excellent singing voice. In her childhood, she and Hayato performed many a duet together, side by side and in perfect harmony—the closest they have ever felt to one another.

His fateful piano solo was the first time he ever played without her, and part of her has a sneaking suspicion that her debut batch of poison cooking wasn't _entirely_ unintentional.

4.

When Bianchi comes to Japan and witnesses the blooming (if dysfunctional) relationship between her brother and Sawada Tsunayoshi, she feels endless relief for the fact Hayato has finally found a friend.

She will never admit, however, how much it hurts to know that this complete stranger is far more capable of healing Hayato than she ever will.

5.

While the other girls stay in the kitchen in order to provide comfort and support for Tsuna and his Guardians, Bianchi does it to remind them that Mafia have to stay on their toes even in the safety of their own homes.

It's not quite as flashy as Reborn's explosive retributions, but she's pretty sure the punishment is just as severe.

6.

Bianchi is notoriously bad with guns, and continues to play up this reputation in order to mask her other strengths.

Poison cooking may be her forte, but Bianchi is hell with a blade.

(Sword Emperor Tyr was a family friend and Bianchi's tutor, so despite never really associating with Superbi Squalo she forever loathes the Rain Varia for not only killing her mentor but cutting her lessons prematurely short.)

7.

Bianchi remembers far more about Gokudera Lavina than her brother does. Hayato remembers long silver hair, a warm smile, a comforting embrace, some brief snatches of the melodies Lavina used to coax from the piano—Bianchi remembers a woman, kind and frail, who made time for her son and had some to spare for a bitter child that wasn't her own, all in defiance of her own impending death.

Lavina had been a gentle soul, her father's one and only love, a civilian whose only connection to the Mafia happened to be Papa himself, who'd met her at a concert; the perfect contrast to Bianchi's own mother, the youngest daughter of Don Croce whose arranged marriage to Papa only served to embitter them both. Cold, calculating and impersonal, Bianchi's mother had all the traits of the perfect Mafioso. The crushing disappointment she'd suffered when she'd given birth to a daughter was surpassed only by her rage when she discovered Papa's sickly mistress had managed to bear him a perfectly healthy son.

After Lavina dies, Hayato spends all his time wishing the nice lady would come back. Bianchi just wishes that Lavina could've been her mother instead.

8.

Trident Shamal is the only person alive who is completely immune to Bianchi's poison cooking. Perhaps it's because the man is a festering hive of diseases in his own right, but there is nothing Bianchi has been able to throw at him (literally or figuratively) that has stopped him for longer than a few minutes.

Shamal's endless propositions have pretty much become routine for both of them, but if he leaves her brother bleeding on the floor just because he doesn't have a pair of breasts _one more time_, Bianchi will forego the toxins and find a way to kill the man with her bare hands.

9.

While Bianchi hasn't yet had the time to experiment with _every_ recipe known to man, she's discovered that there is, in fact, one thing she can make untainted by her poison cooking.

For some inexplicable reason, Bianchi can bake a mean peach cobbler.

(Haru is the only one of the Vongola who knows about this, having been the only one not traumatized enough by Bianchi's previous endeavors to turn it down when Bianchi asks her to try. Haru then decides to pass the cobbler off as her own one family picnic, and it's been in demand ever since.)

10.

Bianchi is a hopeless romantic. To her, love is worth killing for, worth dying for, worth more than any monetary reward she could ever receive, which is why she turns down no less than seven different contracts on Sawada Tsunayoshi in order to assassinate him on her own terms.

The hit is a failure before it even begins when she discovers Hayato has declared himself the Vongola heir's right hand man (her happiness is not worth his), although she makes a few half-hearted attempts as a wakeup call for the future Tenth before Reborn assures her he has the situation under control.

Bianchi's never entirely certain as to what Hayato and Reborn see in Tsuna that makes him so worthwhile, but eventually she finds her own common ground with the boy: Tsuna is just as much of a romantic as she is, if not more.

Bianchi would kill for the ones she loves. Tsuna would take on the world if he had to, and that is exactly the sort of man she can respect.

* * *

Guys. GUYS. I lied, there's one more vote left.

I'm definitely doing the Varia, Fran included, but there's one member I've been on the fence about, mostly because it'll probably be either the most boring or most cracktastic of the chapters.

So tell me. Who wants a Gola Mosca chapter?

With any luck, Haru should be posted by Wednesday.

Until then!


	13. Miura Haru

I AM A LYING LIAR WHO LIES.

That's it. No more projected deadlines. They never work out.

Thank you all, dear reviewers, for being wonderful despite my horrible, horrible lies.

So have a Haru.

* * *

_Miura Haru_

* * *

1.

Haru, for all her awkwardness, is the second best at sports of Tsuna's family members. The inevitable result of this is that although Tsuna is her first long-term crush, Yamamoto Takeshi is her first real male friend.

She is able to keep her athleticism a secret up until the point Reborn, in all his sadistic wonder, decides to hold a baseball tournament among Tsuna's family. She and Yamamoto are forbidden from ever ending up on the same team five minutes before the games themselves are banned for good.

2.

While Haru's tastes in cosplay verge on the bizarre, she is by far the best seamstress in the Vongola family.

Ten years later, the only thing that frightens the majority of the Vongola is the thought of having to tell her that yes, once again, they have managed to shred to pieces the suit she so meticulously repaired for them only days earlier.

Haru never becomes one of Tsuna's combative family members, but the things she can do with a pair of scissors and a fully stocked pincushion are the stuff of _nightmares_.

3.

Haru is not a math nerd by choice, but after getting raised by her professor of a father she can't help but have picked up a few things.

Ironically, this only makes her relationship with Gokudera more antagonistic.

(Ten years later, Vongola Decimo wonders over the fact that he's probably the only Mafia don who has to worry about violent, earth-rending fights breaking out over who gets to do the accounting this season.)

4.

Out of everyone in the Vongola family, Haru is the only person completely unafraid of Rokudo Mukuro, and one of only three who actively tries to befriend him.

(For his part, Mukuro forever wishes he'd established that "slipping into a new guise" had everything to do with possession and nothing to do with cosplay.)

The day Haru finally, miraculously, forces him into a costume becomes the most prized piece of blackmail in Chrome Dokuro's "Mukuro-sama" collection.

5.

Haru's flame, though rarely used, is that of Lightning, giving her a training partner in Lambo and what at first seemed to be a horrendously unsuitable tutor in Leviathan.

Strangely enough, she is exactly what is needed to bridge the gap between Varia and Bovino, as she both sympathizes with Levi's oft-ignored fanatical devotion to Xanxus, and forever remains the closest thing Lambo has to a mother figure after Sawada Nana.

Haru's talent with the flame never passes beyond mediocre, but even the Arcobaleno Verde would think twice before challenging her and incurring the sizeable wrath of both the Vongola's Lightning Guardians.

6.

Haru has an uncanny knack with languages that ends up making her the first of the Japanese Vongola to become fluent in Italian.

She takes this gift for granted up until she sees the look on Gokudera's face when she snaps back a witty retort at a rival Mafia don who'd mockingly referred to her as the Storm Guardian's arm ornament only moments earlier (during a business meeting she'd only been attending because all the other Guardians were busy elsewhere, no less).

The thought of Gokudera forever worrying about how many of the Italian insults _he'd_ muttered in her general direction over the years had been understood probably shouldn't help her sleep so well at night.

7.

Haru is not only a crack shot with a pistol, but indisputably the second best marksman in the Vongola family.

That very same aim has enabled her to never take a life. Haru's all for self-defense, family safety and the occasional shattered kneecap, but she just doesn't think she has what it takes to kill.

(Absolutely none of this saves her the trouble of having to spend over six months in hiding after Xanxus is made aware of this little fact in yet another one of Reborn's infamous competitions.)

8.

As much as Haru admires Bianchi's sophistication and style, and I-Pin's intelligence and strength, the only girl she's ever been jealous of is Kyoko.

Kyoko alone is free of the dysfunctions that plague the other Vongola girls, not to mention she has both an adoring brother and the unofficial title of school idol at Namimori, and she managed to earn and keep Tsuna's love with absolutely no effort on her part.

Nevertheless, Haru is incredibly proud of the fact that, no matter how bad her jealousy gets, it always has and always will come in second to their friendship.

(And really, in a group like theirs Kyoko's normality makes _her _the weird one.)

9.

While she's never fought on the front lines, even associating with the Vongola has ensured that Haru has been exposed to a colorful variety of dangerous situations.

To this day, she still believes that the riskiest thing she's ever done is name Hibari Kyouya's pet 'Hibird.'

10.

Haru can't even begin to count the number of times she's fallen head over heels for a boy, but Tsuna is the only one she never gets over.

The sweet and adorable, the mysterious and angsty, the ridiculously gorgeous, the suave and sophisticated—she's fallen for them all, but none of them will ever measure up to kind, awkward, unwittingly selfless loser Tsuna.

He _is_ the only boy she's ever literally fallen for, after all.

* * *

Blame number four on the anime omake—their interaction was too funny for words.

Or you could blame it on me, as I am entirely unapologetic.

Still wanna hear what you think about a Gola Mosca chapter—that vote's probably going to stay open until I post Squalo. Yes? No? Pineapple?

Look forward to Kyoko at…some point in time. Like I said, I'd like to stop spreading horrible, horrible lies, and I happen to be currently dealing with the magical world of approaching finals deadlines.

But the Varia will be after that, so…yay!


	14. Sasagawa Kyoko

I'm not sure if this took more or less time than I thought it would, especially since in her own way Kyoko gave me a bit of trouble. It's been a hell of a week, though. And not in a good way.

But! Knowing people are still reading this helps every time. So thank you all. You remain totally awesome.

Without further ado, then, here's Kyoko.

* * *

_Sasagawa Kyoko_

* * *

1.

Kyoko is well aware of how serious Tsuna was the first time he confessed to her. She'd simply worried that the sudden change in personality meant he'd had some kind of psychotic breakdown and thought it best to give him some time to recover.

The day, several years later, that his loser self and his Dying Will self at last find a middle ground as the peaceful but resolute Vongola X, she finally agrees to go on that first date.

2.

Kyoko is not and will never be a fighter. One thing sadly overlooked by the majority of the Vongola family, however, is her devastating charisma and endless capacity to adjust to bizarre situations.

Reborn, whether thankfully or not, is not in the majority, and ten years later Kyoko still doesn't have the heart to break it to her own boss that she's one of his top spies.

3.

Out of all the people in the Vongola family, it is Bianchi that Kyoko comes to associate herself with most, and Bianchi concurs.

Whatever the vast differences in their personalities and values, the bond of possessing fatalistically reckless brothers cannot be denied.

(As the years go by and the injuries grow more numerous, Kyoko and Bianchi become the only ones permitted to set up betting pools completely independent of the Arcobaleno's influence, as it's generally agreed that, having paid for so many of their respective brothers' hospital bills at this point, they effectively own them and any wagers associated with them.)

4.

Kyoko, like her brother, possesses the Sun flame, although hers is infinitely less intense than his. Ordinarily she puts her flame to use as a healer, but while the power of Mist is most ideal for concealment, it is Sun's activation properties that get the more advanced surveillance Box Weapons up and running, and so Kyoko becomes Chrome Dokuro's unlikely partner in a number of espionage missions for the Vongola family.

Interestingly enough, Rokudo Mukuro seems more concerned with Kyoko's ability to draw Chrome out of her protective shell than any advantage he might gain by associating with the Vongola Decimo's only confirmed weakness.

5.

Although Tsuna was not mistaken in assuming that Kyoko was interested in Gokudera Hayato when he first set foot in their classroom, he misunderstood exactly why she was. Kyoko has never been attracted to bad boys or delinquents like the majority of her classmates, but (perhaps because of her affinity with the healing Sun flames) she will never pass up an opportunity to try to help damaged individuals.

(This is, in fact, the entire reason Tsuna fell in love with her at all—where Kyoko saw herself giving a much-needed confidence boost to the poor beleaguered boy everyone else seemed to pick on, Tsuna saw a bright-eyed angel who had actually lowered herself to speak with a loser like him and thus fell victim to his infamous crush.)

In Gokudera she saw a hurting, resentful soul both adverse to and afraid of social interaction, and vowed to do everything in her power to help him recover.

When he reenters the classroom with a nervous-looking Tsuna just hours later chatting animatedly with the other boy and looking decidedly less angry at the world, Kyoko smiles to herself and rests assured in the knowledge that the two of them should do just fine helping each other, instead.

6.

While Chrome's collection is impressive, Kyoko is actually the one with the most blackmail material on the Vongola family itself.

Chrome's concealment techniques are without parallel, but it's amazing how much people are willing to just sit down and confess to a girl with a sympathetic ear and a kind smile.

7.

Kyoko has never fired a gun.

(Countless bottles of mace and the occasional taser are another story entirely.)

She has, however, been responsible for baiting quite a few assassins and members of rival families into Vongola traps, unleashed the entire base's automatic security system on several intruders, and helpfully informed the Guardians and Varia of the various enemy weaknesses she's made note of on those unfortunately frequent occasions when she's been taken hostage.

Kyoko is determined to never take a life, but she's occasionally disturbed by how indifferent she's become toward watching others do it.

8.

Kurokawa Hana has been Kyoko's best friend and polar opposite for as long as either of them can remember. Kyoko is the empathetic, optimistic yin to Hana's caustic, pessimistic yang, and Hana is the cold reality check to Kyoko's inner guidance counselor.

Hana's spent years building up her reputation as the snarky, outspoken guard dog to Namimori's sweet school idol, and Kyoko will always be grateful for her support.

Their mutual best kept secret, though, is that it's really Kyoko's will of steel that hides Hana's bleeding heart from the rest of the world.

(Kyoko will deny until her dying day that she had anything to do with setting up her brother and her best friend, but she _is_ glad that they've found happiness with one another.)

9.

Like her brother, there is nothing Kyoko enjoys more than a challenge. She first befriends Hana precisely because the other girl makes her work for her approval, and her reputation at Namimori is in no small part due to her constant participation in activities she hopes will put her through her paces.

In the Vongola family Kyoko is knocked back down to the bottom rung of the social ladder for the first time in years, and it's a while before she figures out and develops the skills necessary to find her place there.

Kyoko considers even a single moment of praise within the Vongola more valuable than her years of popularity because she's absolutely certain she's earned it.

10.

Technically speaking, Kyoko is the strongest member of the Vongola family.

She is the only person Sawada Tsunayoshi will never, ever defeat.

(And together, they're _unstoppable_.)

* * *

Kyoko kicks ass with PACIFISM. (It's not a total oxymoron. Or maybe it is.)

Also, I sort of miss Hana. I feel like she could've been a contender. But now we may never know.

So it seems most of you do want a Gola Mosca chapter! Pineapples are in second place. You're still free to let me know either way.

OH SNAP THE VARIA ARE UP NEXT. Not gonna lie (gave that up last chapter), Xanxus may take a while because, appropriately enough, he seems to hate me.

Until then!


End file.
